Stealing Signals: Bottle And Sell Alou's Moisturizer, People!

Mets 8, Phillies 1 - Far be it for me to pass up a good piss joke, and Mets LF Moises Alou's unique method for moisturizing his hands is too good, especially when he hits two homers off of Philly's Freddy Garcia, who's looking at the ground like Alou just whizzed all over him. Tom Glavine is now seven wins away from 300.

(Hurricanes Are For Drinking called its team in Seal Clubbers' fantasy league "Handpeeing with Moises", winning the name competition hands down.)

Padres 4, Cubs 3 (14 innings) - The top teams in the NL West dink and dunk, trying to find ways to win on you, and Geoff Blum's RBI double in the top of the 14th in Chicago wasn't any different from that philosophy. Jacque Jones will be run out on the rail by the Cubs fairly soon, considering what he's being paid, letting that double skip by you isn't the smartest idea. The Pads' pen is perfect at 4-0, with a 1.83 ERA.

Rangers 8, White Sox 1 - has any staff fallen farther off the form that won them a championship in recent times than the White Sox? Jon Garland keeps regressing, Jose Contreras can't get any help when he's on his game, and Mark Buehrle is already spoken of in past tense. Sammy Sosa homered again, which leaves him nine away from 600.

Dodgers 6, Diamondbacks 4 - Even game until a throwing error on the D-backs shortstop allowed Juan Pierre to score an insurance run after driving in Wilson Valdez on a triple. Dodgers held score after that.

Yankees 10, Indians 3 - Nothing like justifying that recently signed contract extension by giving up big runs to the Yankees. How did that feel, Jake Westbrook?

Pirates 6, Cardinals 1 - First Ian Snell knocks them down, then Pirates starter Tom Gorzelanny handles them more. Pujols is still hitting below the Mendoza line.

Blue Jays 2, Red Sox 1 - Matsuzaka continues to be all too human, walking in the game winning run for the Jays in the 4th inning. However, the Red Sox offense shouldn't be leaving him in those kind of situations to begin with (and they probably won't do that much.)