You Know, You Could Just Call The Complaint Line.

The FBI is investigating a series of threatening letters to national networks and their affiliates, some with insecticide in them, and is offering $5K as a reward for anyone with information.

Now, these letters have not been sent in response to your standard news coverage; the letters, which started being sent in 2004, are apparently complaining about the number of cheerleader shots shown in college sport telecasts. Problem is, it reads like the two letters the FBI released are from two separate people, because these objections seem at complete odds with one another.

In a letter sent in September 2004, the author objects to the timing and angles of the shots captured by camera crews during sports events.

"We have asked nicely for them to respect us and all women, yet they refuse. They exploit innocent people, so we will too. When they start respecting us, we stop mailing these out," the letter reads.

The author of a letter sent in December 2006 complains that networks unfairly favor more modestly dressed cheerleading squads.

"For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time than any other Division 1A cheer squad on ESPN, because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits. If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time. So, we are fed up with this constant exploitation," the author wrote.

Really, TV can't win. Either it's exploitation to show them at all or exploitation to show the more modestly dressed ones. However, I sense a general approval with the second letter -- more TV time for the sleeveless outfits, although I'm not sure that makes too much of a noticeable difference.

(SI's headline editor had fun with this one: "Gimme an 'F'! Gimme a 'B'! Gimme an 'I'!" Well played.)