Never Going Back To Indian Wells.

Neither Serena nor Venus Williams have played at the Indian Wells WTA tour event in California since 2001, when Venus was roundly booed by the crowd there before pulling out prior to a semi-final match between the two, and Serena maintains she isn't headed back this year either. Their father Richard claimed the episode was racially motivated; although I'm sure crowd disappointment had something to do with it, at the time, I couldn't imagine that race had nothing to do with it, because at that time, Richard was, for all intents and purposes, a pariah in tennis. He dared to act as coach, manager, and protector to his daughters rather than submit to an established name as a coach and handler. A slightly boorish man, probably, but no worse than any manner of tennis parent (please see Mary Pierce's father for one of your more egregious examples.)

The problem is that the tournament will be mandatory come 2009, as the Women's Tennis Association has recently decided that Indian Wells is one of four compulsory events. Players who do not participate can expect either fines or suspensions, and while Serena has enough money to make that a non-issue, it's telling that the WTA response to her complaints is rather tin-eared:

It's always way too easy to say the Williams family is still playing the race card, but all of that has been colored by past coverage of the sisters and their father. Furthermore, this only adds to the recent incident of a spectator dropping the "nigger" on Serena at the Ericsson Open for a reminder of what D-Wil has titled "Serena Williams' Burden": you can take the sport out of the country club, but sometimes you can't take the country club out of the sport without kicking and screaming first.

(Errata Alert: Anyone else notice AOL filed this story under "NCAA Basketball"? Weird.)

equal pay for better work.

The All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club has, after years of semi-controversy over the issue, decided to offer equal prize money to the women. So, when Serena Williams utterly destroys everyone this year, she'll get paid the same as Roger Federer after he decimates all comers.

I've believed for a while that women's tennis has been a much better deal for viewers than the men's division (Federer's super skills notwithstanding). Three-set matches are just flat out better to watch and more exciting to play, because those points mean more, and some of the minor events on the men's tour are three-set events. Hell, I believe women could do five-set matches, but would it really be in anyone's interest? As it stands right now, Wimbledon is finally offering equal pay for better work. The women's field in tennis has had better players and matches (despite occasional lack of starpower) for at least the past decade, despite the best efforts of Federer, Sampras, and Agassi.

(Andy Roddick is a choking lout.)

While we await Roland Garros following suit for the French Open, let's institute a sliding scale for the men to increase their incentive, especially since not too many of them are putting up fights against Federer:

1) If you don't break Roger, he gets a quarter of your money.
2) If you lose 6-1 or 6-0 in a set to Roger, he gets a third.
3) If you lose by 6-1 or 6-0 in straight sets to Roger, he gets half your money.

Roger Federer is the balls.

When you sit down to watch Roger Federer's matches, you know the outcome already; unless it happens to be on clay, he will win. It's always a question of how bad he will make his opponent look. He made Fernando Gonzalez, who didn't do a bad job tearing though guys like James Blake and Lleyton Hewitt to get to the Australian Open final, look like a Tour rookie, especially after beating back two set points in the first set.

After watching that display, Gonzalez looked beaten, and it was over. The next two sets were mere formality, as if Federer and Gonzalez were obligated to play out some form of comedy in the next two sets, getting the necessary break in the second and third set and dominating service. The only player who gives him a fight is Rafael Nadal, and that's on clay -- Federer owns him in every other form of play.

It's never a question of whether Federer will be considered one of the greats; it's always if he will be the best ever, and while he's well on his way, he needs to win at Roland Garros to make sure he doesn't pull a Sampras. If he were American, regular sports fans in American would probably talk about him in the hushed tones reserved for Tiger Woods (despite the whole "not being black" thing). He makes dominance look clinical, precise, and boring, which is kind of a buzzkill -- but eventually, I just give in to watching it.

the Amazon returns.

Serena Williams is back, and she wants to destroy the WTA and its members.

At least that's what it looked like, watching the Aussie Open final against Maria Sharapova. I rarely pay attention to tennis unless it's the women (more for three-set matches and more interesting characters rather than cheesecake; the men's tour is basically a "who will lose to Roger Federer this week?" affair unless it is French Open time), and watching a Williams sister play when on point is something shocking for the casual viewer because of the power involved; there is finesse in the game, but it's like buying your first metal record and cranking the volume up to "stun."

I'll probably watch Federer dominate whomever it is he's up against when it comes on past midnight, but watching a match of his after he dismantles Andy Roddick is anti-climactic.

(P.S. "Amazons" are the name my mother gave to Serena and Venus Williams after watching them for the first time on television years ago; it was pride, not in insult -- seeing black faces in what are commonly "country club" sports was a big deal in my family in the last decade.)

"'cause everybody knows she's a femme fatale..."

When it comes to tennis, my heart (along with other things) belongs to Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams; however, I do admit to a bit of a thing for Martina Hingis, mostly because she's short, obnoxious, crass, and would probably take joy in beating me up, which I would love. We hurt the ones we love the most, and I have no problem with that in certain arenas (especially because the Swiss tend to be one of the many European nations where learning several languages is part of the overall curriculum; she's likely able to talk dirty in at least three.)

It seems Martina has racked up many a career of boyfriends and doubles partners to prove it, managing to earn the nickname "Black Widow" for her efforts. Magnus Norman, Justin Gimelstob, and Julian Alonso all earned severe or career-ending injuries after going steady with Hingis. Anna Kournikova quit after being her doubles partner. Now, the Black Widow has a new target, fiancee Radek Stepanek, and given that he's already suffering from a neck injury, they might as well sign him up for the hospital bed and change his status to "comatose" now.