Everyone else is doing MLB previews, so I'm going to do them my own way as well. I kind of got this started by doing a joke "favorite bands, operating or defunct, in place of teams" list for the NL West in Deadspin's preview thread, and decided, "Why not flesh it out?"
Let's start with the first five I'd already identified. NL Central and East posts will come later today; AL posts will be tomorrow.
1. Rage Against the Machine (Los Angeles Dodgers) -- think of the instrumental section as the solid pitching and good defense, and de la Rocha as the hitting. You wonder where the runs are coming from, but you get enough good stuff to win, and then either Lowe, Schmidt, or the rest of the staff can go Morello upside your head with Ks.
2. Jimmy Eat World (Arizona Diamondbacks) -- the Mesa emo heroes' niche lies with the kids, and so does the D-backs future. If Stephen Drew, Carlos Quentin, and the rest of the youth movement kicks in, they could win the division behind Brandon Webb's arm. I'm just not ready to buy in yet.
3. Rocket From The Crypt (San Diego Padres) - steady, reliable, and consistent in the rock (or in the Padres' case, pitching in Petco.) You know what you get with every Padres team. I always discount the Padres by putting them lower than third and then they win divisions or take Wild Card spots.
4. Jawbreaker (San Francisco Giants) - the Giants made their last great run at the brass ring in 2002, and while they may do decent work and look good on paper, it won't make much of an impact when most of the elements are older. You can only be ahead of your time so much before it starts to catch up with you.
5. Planes Mistaken For Stars (Colorado Rockies) - again, young team, loud, brash, but never makes a lot of noise in the overall marketplace. Great players you'll see on other teams down the line plus MLB castoffs (and Todd Helton, who deserves better.)