Friday, January 12, 2007

the vanity retirement.

Ordinarily I wouldn't two shits about the retirement of an obnoxious ass of a relief pitching specialist like Jeff Nelson (in a position that includes John Rocker among its current or former members, "obnoxious ass" and "relief pitcher" in the same sentence appears redundant), but this little tidbit on his retirement announcement is what got me: he signed a minor league contract with the Yankees in order to retire.

This needs to be nipped in the bud. Re-signing with your old team where your greatness was made seems to have started (or at least grown in the sports public consciousness) with Jerry Rice, who signed with the Niners for a day before retiring after stints with the Raiders, Seahawks, and Broncos, and the last two were, at best, ill-advised. But we can excuse Rice because he was and is a legend -- it's a good PR move, even though no one will really ever see him as anything else than a 49er. Nelson seems not to know his station, despite having won several rings with the Yankees -- only legends get to participate in the vanity retirement and one-day contract. Roger Clemens could do this and it would be permissible. Mr. Nelson, you, despite your nasty slider and championship rings, are no Roger Clemens.

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