Wednesday, January 03, 2007

it may be Tuesday Morning Quarterback...

...but the fucktard quality of Gregg Easterbrook goes on 24/7, especially in the detritus of his latest column (Kissing Suzy Kolber took him down hard last month). With Easterbrook, you have to dig down deep to find the really stupid and/or offensive in TMQ, and this week's no different, except for some nice moralizing at the expense of the dead:

Darrent Williams, 1982-2007: Once at a Bill Cosby concert I heard Cosby say, "Nothing good has ever happened between midnight and dawn." He meant this seriously, and proceeded to talk about why it was foolish for anyone except cops and hospital personnel to be anywhere but home during those hours. According to initial reports -- bearing in mind that initial reports from the scenes of tragedies are often wrong -- Williams was murdered leaving a nightclub about 2 a.m., the morning following the Broncos' final game of the season. Yes, it was New Year's, and many people are out to all hours that morning. But should they be?

I am a big believer in the power of statistics to help us lead our lives. Statistics cannot tell us what will happen, but can suggest a great deal about what is likely to happen. Statistics tell us we should not fear airline flights but should be very wary about crossing the street. (There were 4,881 pedestrians deaths in the United States in 2005, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.) Statistics tell us we shouldn't worry about drinking tap water but should be cautious about corn syrup in foods. And statistics tell us we are far more likely to be victims of violent crime, or involved in automobile accidents, after midnight than before midnight. The sorts of people who are out on the streets in the wee hours, or driving on the roads then, are the sorts of people whom the wise avoid. It's not enough to mourn the loss of Darrent Williams. Learn the lesson: When the clock strikes midnight, you belong at home.


Here's your fucking statistic, douchebag:


Yeah, there's your statistic, motherfucker, all over his teammate's shirt. To his friends, teammates, and family, Darrent Williams is a hell of a lot more than a goddamn statistic, and just because he happened to be partying and out after what people like you think are "respectable" hours doesn't make him deserving of being a "lesson" to be learned.

(Photo cribbed from Deadspin.)

5 comments:

The Almighty Ajax said...

Leaving aside the irony of quoting a nightclub comic, who only became famous enough for people to care what he had to say precisely because he catered to "the sorts of people" who are out after midnight, criticizing frequenters of late-night establishments...

Statistically speaking, Gregg, which do you suppose is a more dangerous pursuit, in terms of negative health outcomes: walking into a nightclub, or playing cornerback in the National Football League? Purely as a matter of numbers?

That's what I thought, you pompous twit.

NFL Adam said...

Uh, yeah. Who makes jokes about that? How low.

Signal to Noise said...

Adam, I liked the John Mark Karr crack, seriously.

I like cracking quick humor on the dead more often than not -- Easterbrook had to get all high and mighty on everyone.

Signal to Noise said...

Oh, Ajax, you know the people who were out late back in Cosby's day were respectable people -- they just liked to stay out for a little harmless fun.

Nowadays, anyone who isn't home and in bed by ten is a pervert, social deviant, and probably violent.

lotus said...

I think these comments pretty much define the term "overreaction." I mean, it's perfectly fine to disagree with the man's assessment, but to turn this into a source of rage doesn't seem like the act of a centered individual.