Jake Plummer shaved off his mojo.

As I prepare to watch the Ravens take on the Broncos, I face the usual hair-tearing agony of watching most Broncos games because of one man: Jake Plummer. And I like Jake Plummer, except when he gets a little too-pass happy and starts looking like the biggest bakery in town with a sale on turnovers.

The man's a fantasy football disaster waiting to happen every week -- you play him at your own peril -- but the drafting of Jay Cutler seems to have driven Bronco fans to the breaking point, even at 2-1, we're crying for Shanahan to pull Jake the Fake sooner than later.

I've explained it to my dad, and he thinks I'm nuts -- but I agree completely with the folks who wrote this here petition, because Jake was AWESOME last year when he was rocking the Ron Jeremy 'stache in the regular season, but almost lost the div playoff to the Pats and totally sucked it up against Pitt in the AFC championship with the beard. Now, this season, he went and did something silly and shaved the whole fucker off. Why? Now he just looks bland. Denver is used to weird-looking QBs -- I mean, we had a legendary one whom even the local sports cartoonist drew as a total horseface. Embrace your oddity, Jake!

Jake, for all Bronco fans in and out of Denver, please bring back the 'stache, and while you're at it, start rockin' the Blue Blockers again. Our playoff hopes are riding on it, and frankly, I bet your job might be too.

Edit: Plummer introduced the lineup on MNF, and he's rocking a mustache and beard -- not the pornstache, but not terrible.

Tangent #1: I HATE Mike Tirico on Monday Night Football. He's prone to saying dumb shit, evidence: he's already said about the MNF theme: "How can you not turn the volume up when that song comes on?"
Tangent #2: The Broncos are already responsible for unleashing the scourge of Arena League-looking unis on both college and the pros, but tonight's full navy-blue ensemble is FUGLY.