After a second straight week with four touchdowns, this time against an opponent alleged to have one of the best defenses in the league, archaeologists have released their latest discovery, found in the dry lands that comprise most of West Texas -- ancient parchment, on which is written the tales and prophecy of the one that citizens of San Diego and game participants across the land refer to in hushed, reserved tones as "Fantasy Jesus."
Some choice excerpts from the discovery are below:
1:17 - "The rumors heard during His collegiate years spread far and wide during His first years in the League: woe be unto the safety who dares cross the path of the Lord, for he shall be halted in his path with the simple raising of His arm."
4:58 - "Though He was short of stature, he struck fear into the hearts of men who would dare oppose him, causing them horrific dreams, with eyes they could not see behind His shades."
8:22 - "After making his way to the water when the Giants of York decided to tie their fates to Elijah, whom they falsely believed to be the Second Coming, the Apostle Philip waited in line for two years behind the unexpected rise of Andrew the Baptist. Philip took the repeated slights and waited with patience, for he witnessed the miracles, and knew that He can raise the levels of untested quarterbacks; He would assist Philip in his journey to lead his men when the time came."
13:15 - "Even His friends and mentors tried to restrain the pure Force and Light emanating from within; Martin, the Wise Man, would not involve the Lord in certain plays; would tell Him to conserve. But He could not be contained, and Martin realized His Light and Spirit must be set free -- this would be the only chance to challenge Elijah's brother Peytonian and his Horsemen."