creative methods of endorsement.

Cribbed from ESPN via Deadspin, it seems Tiger Woods and that very, very beautiful wife of his are expecting a child. MJD noted in the Deadspin story:

"Someone at Nike headquarters is very busy today... trying to figure out a way to get a big Swoosh to pass through Elin's birth canal, or somehow get her baby-making part in the shape of a Swoosh after the blessed event."

Nah, that leaves too much up to chance. In this age of genetic advances and given how early we can identify characteristics of children via ultrasounds, the obvious solution will hit the folks in Beaverton fairly soon, and I would appreciate some back end payment for the idea, because it will require some serious cash payment to get this done (that brings up several problematic issues: do the parents sign in the fetus' name? Does this render the kid ineligible to participate in college golf from the get-go? If it gets an endorsement contract, I don't even want to think about what that means for Roe v. Wade.)

Here's the easy way to do it: just do some slight modification to apply a swoosh birthmark to the kid's inner thigh or leg, maybe ankle or wrist. It may not be visually prevalent enough for Nike, whom I'm sure would love to have a Drew Brees-style Swoosh Mole on the cheek. We're all about compromise, so Mr. and Mrs. Woods, give 'em the forearm birthmark, but not until they shell out another $60 million. You're very welcome; just keep it in mind when I'm old and decrepit and the kid is winning titles.